In the past couple days I’ve been doing some reminiscing, you know, looking at facebook pictures and stuff. I realized that I am extremely lucky to be alive today. I got on the wrong side of THut and I lived to tell about it (don’t they have a show like that on Discovery Channel or something?). Let me explain.

THut wanted to hang out with me one Thirsty Thursday. I told him I didn’t think I had time because I had to finish my senior research project. He goes “I’ll take care of it…”. Five minutes later, I get a knock on my door from a kid dressed as a clock. He had a big black eye and was crying. I asked him what happened and he simply said, “THut kept saying, ‘I don’t care about time’ and then he bitched slapped me”.

I didn’t want to be bitch slapped so I decided to go out with him. He took me to a nice Japanese place because, as Thut put it, “Rice is my faaaavorite”. Rice wasn’t good enough for THut though so he decide to eat a bald eagle. “I want to be the symbol of freedom”, he said. Then he realized he was a hypocrit because of the three Asian slaves he owns. “Did you know it takes them 14 hours to make enough fabric for my right bicep?” “Oh, that’s nice”, I said back, trying to hide my fear.

It was about that time that THut wanted to get back to the room, but he didn’t have a girl to bring with him. One thing I learned is that THut takes his sex life very seriously. Girls don’t choose to have sex with THut, rather he chooses them. Every time THut has an orgasm, God doesn’t kill a kitten… THut does. It is his tradition apparently.

I had to leave before the animal sacrifice but there are a few more things I learned about THut.
THut has the same gravitational pull as the moon.
THut invented the cotton gin, then gave it to Eli Whitney so Eli could take credit for it.
THut discovered a pattern to pi — then he ate it.

Please share your THut stories so that we may all benefit from these teachings.